Yesterday evening I got busy with the computer equivalent of cleaning out my closet. I was looking for a pdf-file on how to write a book proposal. Yes, like countless others who write for a hobby I want to write a book. With real people in it!
But where to start? Then I remembered that I once downloaded a instruction how to write a book proposal. I did a quick search in 'My Documents' and came up empty. Note to self: when downloading important stuff it's generally best to change the file name into something searchable. A filename like WritingABookProposal won't cut it!
So there I was looking through all my files when I came upon some old stuff I wrote for my first blog. Once upon a time I had a blog for about 10 minutes. I was blogging in the days before my wedding, as it was a very stressful time and writing usually helps me clear my mind. Blogging wasn't quite as easy then as it is now with blogger.com, so it wasn't right for me. Yet!
Reading some of the old stuff helped me escape out of the dark hell hole I've been in these last few days. My inner critic, that nasty inner voice we all have, was making life difficult for me with sweet nothings like: "You're a loser and a waste of space. You can't do anything right. You can't write. You bring nothing good to this world". And so on. Thank God this time the voice stopped just short of telling me no-one would even notice if I was gone, let alone miss me. No wonder I was feeling quite depressed.
I'm so glad I kept some of the stuff I wrote earlier because I can see now I've come quite a long way. And also because it tells me that I've always wanted to write. It's what keeps me sane. But most of all I was happy because I actually liked most of what I wrote back then! So there, inner critic!
So for the next few day I'll be blogging some fun old stuff. Next up: an ode to George Michael I wrote in 2010, a few months before the infamous Snappy Snaps incident.