Monday, 21 November 2011

My first girl crush

This is the second blog post I wrote for my short-lived pre-wedding blog a couple of years ago. As you can see George Michael was on my mind, as was my personal journey into all things gay! Oh and I've since changed my mind about Careless Whisper, hearing it live and singing along with George at all those 25Live concerts made me love it much, much more than A Different Corner!

Our small wedding bouquet!

It’s now only seven days till I get married to Maria, the love of my life. It’s a scary thought. Of course I love her dearly, but forever is a long time. On the other hand I can’t wait to officially be her spouse instead of the hated 'girlfriend'. Girlfriend is such a safe word, and it makes it easy for everyone to pretend you’re best friends of highschool age instead of adult life partners.

I was 11 years old when I fell in love with a girl for the very first time. Nothing happened between us, I was at an age where I didn’t even know something romantic could happen between two girls. She was a few years younger than I was, the little sister of a nice boy my age. She had strawberry blond hair and lots of charming freckles and one of the nicest smiles I have ever seen. What does it say about me that I can’t remember her name but know that her brother is called Coen? But I don’t think I’ll ever forget her face which I still see so clearly before me, whereas Coen's face has faded over the years.

I still vividly remember my first crush on a female celebrity. I must have been about twenty. I was watching one of the first episode of a new show on TV called LA Law. I was mildly interested until this beautiful vision filled my little screen.

Ah, Susan Dey, how I loved you! When all my girlfriends who were fans of the shows spoke of Harry Hamlin with lust in their eyes I simply nodded and thought of Susan. I wanted to meet her and see that beautiful face up close. I wanted to touch her face and her always immaculate hair just to see if she was real. I wanted to be with her and just hold her close. But most of all I simply wanted to be Susan Dey. But as I’m a black homely woman not a blond goddess actress I had to be content with watching L.A. Law faithfully for years and longing for Susan from far away. All the while being madly jealous of Harry Hamlin who got to do all kinds of romantic scenes with her.

My George Michael song of the day: Careless Whisper

I don’t even particularly like that song. But we recently had a 'Best 880 songs of the 80’s' week on one of our radio stations here in the Netherlands. And sure enough Careless Whisper was the highest placed George Michael single at no. 56. (Sunday bloody Sunday of U2 topped the list). So I thought I should give this George Michael classic another chance. Result: it is indeed a nice song but I still like the angst and pathos of A Different Corner a whole lot more.

I remember playing A Different Corner for hours on end after one of my first and in hindsight embarrassingly insignificant boyfriends dumped me. A Different Corner is a great song to accompany hours of wallowing in self-pity. How my flatmate must have hated me.

Fun fact about Careless Whisper: when I was doing research for the planning of my wedding I learned that Careless Whisper is apparently (still) a big favourite at weddings. Wow, a song about cheating on a wedding? What a great idea!
Come to think of it the song is more about the horrible consequences of cheating, so maybe it’s more of a friendly warning to your husband or wife. Sort of "Don’t cheat on me or you’ll never get to dance with me again". Maybe it’s not such a daft choice after all.

Anyway, wedding songs aren’t always about the happy miracle of true love. Maria and I will play Jeff Buckley’s version of Hallelujah after the end of the wedding ceremony, just before cutting the cake. With such memorable lines as
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
it’s not exactly heaps of fun. But we love it and it never fails to make us a bit weepy. And obviously weepy is what you want to be at your own wedding!

Tomorrow: how to fight the wedding jitters with music. Thanks for listening.

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