You can't outrun grief. I should know, because I tried. God, how I tried.
When your life seems to much to bear, everywhere else seems a better place to be. Out of your body, out of your mind. I've never taken illegal drugs of any kind; I'm prone to depression so it would be stupid and dangerous to mess around with drugs. But I understand the urge to do drugs very well. When you're suffering, any escape out of the pain, even a chemical one, sounds like a great idea.
But it's not. If you want to be connected to your future, you can't cut the line to your past, no matter how painful the past may be. Besides, running away from pain doesn't make it go away. It's still there, biding its time, waiting for you.
It also has this annoying tendency to slip through your defences and knock you out when you least expect it. Found that out the hard way! Trouble with venue-security at the Symphonica concerts touched at some old stuff and I cried for days on end, heartbroken.
But overall I had so much fun following the Symphonica Tour around! I loved seeing George Michael and all the Symphonica musicians up close so many times. It was great too meet a lot of new GM-friends in the venues and on-line. And I discovered I liked Twitter after all, as it's such an easy way of connecting with other people. Just perfect for someone as shy as I am.
But now it's time to stop running away. It's finally time to grieve.